Can You Be Replaced?

Can You Be Replaced?

A few months ago I overheard a conversation amongst women that inspired me to write a future book on relationships. I feel woefully inadequate to write about the topic, but I know that some of my issues as well as my fellow sisters stem from troubled relationships. Let’s start with family. I was surprised when one of my readers very openly discussed how it felt to be rejected by her own mother, but I was glad I provided a space where she felt comfortable enough to share the pain of that type of rejection. In addition I was pleased at the outpouring of support that she received in return. Which goes back to the title of this blog: can you be replaced? The question was posed to me in a different way, basically asking me if one person could replace another in my life, and I had to think about exactly what that meant. No one likes to be replaced, and I would hope that people do not intentionally replace people. I remember teaching an economics unit to students during the recession, and I could hear the anger and frustration in my students whose fathers had been replaced by technology. I read a book that contained interviews of women who had been betrayed in relationships, and the pain was so real it was emanating from the pages. In my own life my deepest hurt came from a person whom I loved who chose to sever our relationship due to his desire to remain an alcoholic. So in my mind I saw this as being replaced by alcohol. Interestingly enough it sounds like I’m going back to that familiar theme of mine of rejection and abandonment. How do you get over the feeling of being replaced? You do what most of us neglect to do and that is look around at the people who are there for you. My sweet friend who shared about being abandoned by her mother later reflected that her dance fitness family has been a joy for her for years. I should know since I was one of the many people at her birthday party, where I saw people come from all over to celebrate with her. Earlier in the year I saw her at a dance fitness event where people crowded around her and reached out warmly to her in love and support. In our loneliest moments, we can overlook the outpouring of love that we get from others. For years I would secretly harbor resentment at these words from my pastor. He said, “Single people, instead of worrying about who you don’t have, love the people who are in your life.” Yep, I rolled my eyes every time he said it. (I’m sorry, Bishop.) I’ve been hearing him say it for years, but it wasn’t until last summer when my dance fitness instructors threw two parties for me that I really had a laser-like focus on the unbelievable amount of love in my life. My pastor’s point was this: we don’t always receive love from the places that we expect. When one person leaves our lives, it can become easy to hold onto the sadness and anger of being left…or replaced. Sometimes it takes energy to choose to be in a good place and to choose happiness over sadness. It takes work, but it’s worth it.