I Am Not a Therapist, But I Play One on TV

As I often do, I went back and reread yesterday’s blog. Whew! Turns out that after I wrote it, a therapist on a podcast confirmed something I wrote. Feeling safe is a thing! No, I mean it’s a thing. I recently reflected on and wrote about some relationship content I learned from Esther Perel. The very first time I listened to her, she was talking about how everything starts in childhood and that children who grow up feeling safe function differently in life. Guess why my Sunday cry was so deep and guttural? It was a deep mourning and the realization that so many did not grow up being protected or feeling safe. It was deep. So now when I see certain behaviors, I try to look beyond the behaviors and see the inner child. Did this person grow up feeling seen, heard, and valued? Are these behaviors a cry for help? Does this person need something but doesn’t know how to articulate their need? The irony of where I am at this stage in life is that my first love in high school was psychology. Just weeks ago when I met up with my friend who helped me set up this website, I had a moment where I found myself crying. She gently tapped my arm and asked, you said that you’re going back to school get your counseling degree, right? I laughed through the tears and said, I can’t be crying in front of my clients. Yesterday the same safe place where I cried on Sunday reminded me of something that has sat with me since my bad year and the year I lost my mom. All of these tears have taught me compassion. There was a time that suit and heels wearing Angie thought she had it all together until a house fire took away my possessions and my pride. Years later, pink Bible Angie thought she knew everything until life blindsided me and almost took me and my mind completely out. I still wrestle in my mind at the purpose of suffering. I refuse to paste platitudes on suffering and pooh pooh it away. No, suffering hurts. Deep pain hurts and has no definitive expiration date. However, in walking through my own pain, it has given me a laser like focus on the suffering of other people. It has taught me to try kindness first before making a point. It has taught me to sit where others sit before offering my opinion. Do I still want to be a professional therapist? Not at all. Just someone who reminds others that they are seen and heard and that feelings are valid.