When God Is Silent

There are two times that it’s hard for me to write: when I’m happy and busy and when I’m overwhelmed and sad. This is an overwhelmed and sad post. Earlier in the week I was in my feelings, and I made a statement that I’m ashamed to say. I’m going to share it here because maybe someone else can relate. Earlier in the week I said that God hates me and that I hate my best friend. Of course neither statement is true, but that’s how emotions can go awry. Right now I’m hating this singleness thing. I was single and not interested for years, and then my best friend told me to give relationships a chance. My first response was NO and then WHY??? I was perfectly happy being alone and living my free and independent life. But over time I took her advice and opened myself up to at least trying to see what was out there. Needless to say five years later I feel as if I am failing miserably. And the icing on the cake? I feel as if God has not given His stamp of approval on anyone—so much so that I feel like His lack of approval is permanent denial. Have you ever felt like God didn’t want you to have what you wanted? Boy, is this thing hard to write!!! In the realm of forming and losing relationships, this has been beyond challenging. The funny thing is my best friend just told me a couple of days not to lose hope, and some situations have made me want to retreat permanently. What is God saying right now? Can we talk about that another day? (insert smile) In my head I’m singing what we sing at all of our conferences, and the lyrics go like this. “God is fighting for us pushing back the darkness, lighting up the Kingdom that cannot be shaken. In the name of Jesus enemy’s defeated, and we will shout it out—shout it out.” (Darlene Zschech) Right now I have to believe that He is still on my side. I pray that you will believe that He is also on your side no matter what you are waiting for Him to do in your life.