Don't Weep for Me

Three times this weekend I cried. The first cry was for a young lady I’m mentoring whose mother’s cancer spread after being in remission. The second was for a loss of a friend whose life was cut short by colon cancer. But the third cry was the most gut-wrenching and heartbreaking. I cried over being ungrateful. I was given an opportunity to bless some homeless women by collecting beauty products. Eventually the person collecting the items said she would also accept dresses and jewelry…basically anything that could bless a displaced mom on Mother’s Day. As I gathered things for the women I found dresses I had only worn once and jewelry that I had left sitting gathering dust. (more on that in a future blog) On the final day of putting everything together I listened to a message from Bishop TD Jakes called “The Deceptive Nature of Grace,” and the message hit hard because I realized how guilty I was of taking God’s grace for granted. I am sitting here now using a laptop that my father bought for me as a gift. A father who is still living. I’m sitting on comfortable furniture and inside a comfortable place. I just ate food that I wanted. This blog was supposed to be about not weeping for me, but first I had to explain my own weeping. I have been so caught up in what I don’t have that it took these significant events to remind me how truly and amazingly blessed I am by God. On Friday I thought about how I prayed for God to send me young ladies to mentor, and He sent one who needs me as she navigates her mother’s diagnosis. I lost a friend who truly was a gift to her family, friends, and students, and I knew at her memorial service that every word spoken was true. Which made me think of this topic: please don’t weep for me when I’m gone. I know weeping may be a natural response, but I said these words to my son a long time ago when I was preparing for surgery. I told him that if anything happened to me, there was to be no sad music played at my funeral because that’s not what I sing. I told him that the main message to relay was this: I loved God, and I loved people. Much of this came to mind yesterday as person after person spoke highly of my friend Paula. I thought about the talks that we had when I was a struggling teacher, new mother, and newly divorced. I look back now at the mess I was and how patient and kind she was to me. And I rejoiced at just how much she loved Jesus and how right now she is in paradise with Him. Paula is not weeping. Nor do I want anyone to weep for me. If anything, go back and read my words. Live life, love people, forgive, move on. Don’t stay stuck in a dead place. Death should only be the vehicle to heaven, but it shouldn’t be the place where you live daily. Live, love, and embrace life daily, and that is how you can honor my memory.