On Choosing Right Or Wrong

My habit is to listen to sermons or the audio Bible as I’m driving. Today I used the excuse that I needed to charge my phone, so I plugged it in the charger and listened to the radio instead on my way home. Listening…listening…listening, until I found myself listening to something extremely vulgar and dare I say ratchet, and there I was singing my heart out. I turned the station to find Marvin Sapp, and I sang that too. Immediately it hit me what I had done. Had I not just sung raunchy lyrics and then sang the sacred? I had. Then came time for dinner. I was tempted to eat pizza, but in this case I made a healthier choice. Yet almost the whole time I ate the healthier meal, my mind was on something cheesy, greasy, and artery clogging. This is my life on a far too often basis. I thought that I would reach a point where I wouldn’t be drawn to secular music over gospel music and junk food over healthy food, but I am. I’m in a war with my flesh, and many days it feels like my flesh is winning. I’m writing this as an admission, but also as a battle cry that I will not give up. I know what it is like to be filled with the Spirit and with the word of God and how to spend time in prayer, praise, and worship. I also know what is like to be so carnal that not only is my mind is far from God would be have me to do but so are my actions. I believe that I’ve said this in a previous blog, and that is that you are not alone if you are having the same struggle. This is similar to what I tell people who are desiring to lose weight and get healthy and fit. While we were gaining weight or indulging in unhealthy habits, it became routine. It was our norm to fill ourselves on junk. While we were being carnal, it became normal to fill ourselves up on the secular and often profane. I see it in myself. My pastor said something Saturday night that reminded me of how secular I could be. Remember the What Would Jesus Do bracelets? He asked what we do if Jesus walked in on one of our conversations or watched a movie or listened to music with us. Would we change what we were doing? I could raise both hands on that. So here I am feeling like I’m back at square one, but maybe God doesn’t see it that way. Maybe He sees me reflecting and acknowledging where I am and committing to do better. No wonder Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 15:31, “…I die daily.” This flesh is a beast, and it keeps rising up. And yet, we are not powerless. On a side note I have been preparing for a national taping with a textbook company, and I have been wrestling with fear. All of my supporters have been telling me that God will be with me and His Spirit will be working in me. Isn’t that what He does when I’m torn between right and wrong? I believe so, but only if I allow Him to work in me. I am not powerless, nor do I have to give in. “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered.” (Romans 8:26)