It’s Okay To Ask For Help

Within two sermons I heard two things that caused me to look at how I parented. The first was a quote from Dr. Dharius Daniels, in which he said, “Real commitment reveals itself in inconvenience.” I then heard Bishop Jakes talk about how parents won’t bring their children to church functions but will ask the pastor to write letters to the court when the child gets in legal trouble. This week I had to not only reflect on what they said but on what I neglected to do as a parent. Not only did I not ask for help, my pride was injured when help was offered. My son’s father and I went through a nasty divorce when he was five years old. This was made more horrendous because he was just starting school. He was horribly sad, I was sad, and I didn’t really see how my sadness was affecting these important years and milestones for him. A few years later the school asked to give him a mentor, and I was offended. I thought that I was better and could do this parenting and mentoring and nurturing thing on my own. Now I realize how wrong I was. There were times I needed help from his dad, my dad, and my brother, but again my pride got in the way. Unfortunately a resistance to ask for help has always been a default of mine. Failing a class? I didn’t ask for help. Financial trouble? I’m not asking for help. Trouble in a relationship and feeling unheard and unloved? Now I know I’m not going to say anything because I don’t want to appear…wait for it…vulnerable. The 47 year old woman who now writes for strangers spent years hiding everything because of how I might look before others. Guess what? When this blog started, I did NOT expect it to turn out this way, but I’m glad I’m writing it and seeing it before me. Here’s what I can tell you. If I feel overwhelmed now, I say something. If I need help, I ask for it. Being vulnerable before complete strangers would make one think that this must be terrible or at least uncomfortable, but I see it as cathartic and therapeutic. I have learned that the reason so many of us are broken is because we feel like we are all alone in our condition. Let’s dig deeper. We all have some kind of condition that makes us feel vulnerable, and if you are like me, your pride makes you want to hide your condition. But I’ve lived long enough to know that every person I meet has some internal battle they are fighting so I know I’m not alone in mine no matter what they say. I have just chosen to be more open about my battles in hopes to give others the courage to be open about theirs. Being able to acknowledge our conditions just may lead to being comfortable with asking for help to overcome them.